Are you fighting more during the holidays? Do you feel more stressed-out than other times of the year?
Yep, history shows us that January winds up being the month that most people start divorce proceedings.
Think about that: it’s kind of weird because the holiday message from Thanksgiving to New Year’s is all about family, love, connection, gratitude, and resolutions about improving in the new year.
Yet, that doesn’t change the facts.
Instead of connecting with our partner more we wind up putting more stress on our relationship:
Money conflict and stress is a leading cause of divorce and the holidays create a perfect storm of financial stress from gift-buying as well as potentially arguing about how to spend on so-and-so.
Traveling to see family can also impose a financial burden as well as involve the typical stressors of traffic and/or crowded...
Thanksgiving is an, errr…., interesting time.
Here’s what too many people tell me they’re wrapped up in: *Scrambling to get everything together for a family get-together *Planning weekend shopping *Dreading seeing a particular relative, or sweating who to invite so as to minimize possible fights
Listen, I’ve been there too, ain’t no judgement here.
What I AM here to say is that the holidays have a way of bringing out the worst in relationships even though in our minds they should bring out the best (honestly I think a lot of problems are because of this expectation!)
Even the strongest relationships typically have a ramped-up level or stress and fighting this season.
And if you’re already disconnected, exhausted, or arguing? If there’s: Not enough time together? Tired from work? Arguments over money, chores and children? No time or energy for niceties, flirting or sex?
A relationship which is already struggling can find that the...
Let’s face it, the reality of marriage is that once you’re past the “honeymoon” phase you usually start noticing some things about your partner that, well, drive you a little nuts.
Unfortunately, over time the list gets long and the feeling goes from “driven a little nuts” to “pissed off” to “I can’t take this any more!”
by the time most couples hire me they’ve got a LAUNDRY list of complaints and can’t seem to resolve it.
Sometimes it seems like one thing, but it’s very general like “they’re just not THERE for me”, but after just a little digging it feels like a tsunami of “they never do this” and “they never do that”.
Getting some desired changes from your partner is really as simple as 1–2–3: 1. limit yourself to THREE specific requests 2. explain why it’s important to you 3. explain why it’s...
Do you ever feel like giving up?
Like no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you just can’t get your relationship on the right track?
I’ve been there.
I know how frustrating, lonely, even scary that can be.
But I want to share with you a REAL-WORLD example of the power of belief and hope.
The Patriots/Falcons Superbowl is maybe the best example of the power the of hope that I’ve come across in a LONG time.
You see, with only 20 minutes left to play the Patriots were down 28 to 3, and here’s the kicker: no team had ever come back from more than a 10-point defecit to win a supwerbowl.
The Patriots were getting knocked down in a way they NEVER knocked around. They could have given up and saved some frustration but…
THEY STAYED POSITIVE AND KEPT WORKING AT IT.
Little by little, bit by bit they noticed opportunities and took advantage of them.
The defecit got narrower and narrower…
Look, I’m a New Yorker so there’s no...
Can hormones kill your marriage? (and I don’t just mean the “lady” ones!)
WARNING This post is controversial
Do you and your partner try to be modern, equal partners but somehow feel unsatisifed or even growing apart?
Is he helping out with cleaning, cooking and the kids? Are you taking care of the cars, doing yardwork and researching investment plans?
Are you equals but sometimes snipe at each other? Is your (ahem…) sex life less than great?
Well, men and women may be equal but we’re NOT the same, and bringing back (just a little bit) of gender-stereotype roles can both make the two of you happier and and turn things up between the sheets.
Seriously interesting research (like, medical-grade) has been showing that men and women really are different at a psycho-genetic level in some crucial ways, namely: * how you feel fulfilled * how you react to stress * how you “get back to normal” after being...
Do you feel like your man doesn’t always understand what you’re trying to say?
The best way to have somebody understand you is to speak their language, so, use these football terms to send him a clear message!
This is the general term for any penalty, so if you’re not happy about something but not sure which is the right penalty (like maybe beause you wanted a necklace for your birthday but they bought you a blender) just say “I’m calling a flag on that play” and explain what you doesn’t work for you.
This is when the quarterback doesn’t like the play that was agreed to with the coach and changes it at the last minute. So if you need to make a sudden change of plans (like the parking lot seems too full to park for a movie) say you’re “calling an audible” and suggest something else.
This is when the team has one last try to move the ball before the...
Getting help with the most important relationship in your life is a wise decision and can be an investment that pays back many times over, but only if you avoid some common mistakes!
Your family and friends know you and care about you, which makes it hard for them to be objective. Also, the specifics of your marriage are probably different from theirs. Finally, unless they’re trained they might be giving you advice which could make the situation worse.
Tip: Choose a therapist or coach who is trained and doesn’t know you so that you can get professional and objective advice.
Actually, most professional therapists have little or no training in the specific issues of marriage. Even most who claim they specialize only work with marriage as a small part of their practice.
TIP: Try to use a coach or therapist who has...
Do you want to improve your marriage this year?
I’m going to tell you what to watch out for along with specific tips.
One small change, applied consistently, can dramatically improve your marriage. Of course, the trick is consistency. :)
Just think: changing the heading of a plane or boat by 5 degrees over a 1,000 mile journey will cause the final destination to be 87 miles away from the original! From New York to LA would be a 250 mile difference! Or think of that little river which ultimately carved the Grand Canyon.
Consistency is the problem: most people don’t see results fast enough and just “give up”.
And sometimes people try to change MANY things at the same time, which takes a lot (I mean a LOT) more energy, and again: most people give up.
The trick (especially if you’re working without a coach or counselor) is...