How to Make it Through The Holidays

connection fighting marriage Dec 05, 2017

Are you fighting more during the holidays? Do you feel more stressed-out than other times of the year?

Truth: Divorce Spikes in January

Yep, history shows us that January winds up being the month that most people start divorce proceedings.

Think about that: it’s kind of weird because the holiday message from Thanksgiving to New Year’s is all about family, love, connection, gratitude, and resolutions about improving in the new year.

Yet, that doesn’t change the facts.


The Reason

Instead of connecting with our partner more we wind up putting more stress on our relationship:

  • Financial stress
  • Traveling stress
  • “Expectation” stress

Money conflict and stress is a leading cause of divorce and the holidays create a perfect storm of financial stress from gift-buying as well as potentially arguing about how to spend on so-and-so.

Traveling to see family can also impose a financial burden as well as involve the typical stressors of traffic and/or crowded airports (and let’s not even talk about missed, cancelled or delayed flights!)

Expectation stress is the stress we feel to be happy, have great relationship and a loving family. Many people try to put on a “show” which takes lots of energy and frequently causes anoyment and stress among those involved.

Worst of all, comparing yourself to the happy marriages and families in movies, TV shows and even advertising can aggravate even a small disappointment into a bigger conflict, and can take a large relationship wound and turn it into a desire for divorce.

Solution (super simple!)

If you want to protect your relationship from holiday stressors then you only have to do one thing: connect.

  • Making sure you connect will force you to prioritize the relationship.
  • Connecting will help you “tune in” to what’s going on with your partner, what they want and what they need.
  • Connecting will help you experience your partner’s love.
  • Connecting will help you appreciate what you have and feel gratitude (which is, after all, what the season is all about :)

If the holidays seem to be causing a tsunami in your home just step back, take a breath, breathe it out and realize what’s important. It’s not the decorations, it’s not the parties and it’s not the gifts.

It’s love, pure and simple (or, if you prefer, “Love, Actually”. :)

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