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Can hormones kill your marriage? (and I don’t just mean the “lady” ones!)

WARNING This post is controversial

 

The Problem

Do you and your partner try to be modern, equal partners but somehow feel unsatisifed or even growing apart?

Is he helping out with cleaning, cooking and the kids? Are you taking care of the cars, doing yardwork and researching investment plans?

Are you equals but sometimes snipe at each other? Is your (ahem…) sex life less than great?

Well, men and women may be equal but we’re NOT the same, and bringing back (just a little bit) of gender-stereotype roles can both make the two of you happier and and turn things up between the sheets.

Some Truth

Seriously interesting research (like, medical-grade) has been showing that men and women really are different at a psycho-genetic level in some crucial ways, namely: * how you feel fulfilled * how you react to stress * how you “get back to normal” after being...

If you want to steer clear of divorce (and believe me, you want to steer clear of divorce) then it’s good to know what the most common cause are so that you can be on the lookout and nip potential problems in the bud.

Men, know this:

MOST divorces are initiated by women

Yup. Far and away more women initiate divorce procedings.
Some men are oblivious while others would rather be in an unhappy marriage than back in the dating scene. Either way, the reasons behind initiating divorce tend to be the same.

Truth: The MOST common REASON cited is…

Women cite feeling taken for granted, put upon, and having to “take care” of the relationship all by themselves as the top reasons for seeking divorce.

It would be inaccurate (as well as sexist) to state the problem as “men always do this” and “women always do that” but even in this day and age there ARE some patterns which are much more common than you might think.

The Problem

The bottom line: ...

Have you ever tried to “fix” a partner, or even just tweak the way they dress, or speak, or even what kind of work they do?

Or have you been on the other end with a partner trying to change YOU?

This is on my mind because I just saw a play about this very thing (“Pygmalion”, and later made into the movie “My Fair Lady”) wherein the sophisticated Henry Higgins bets his friend that he can take the “common girl” Eliza and train her to be seen as a sophisticated lady.

WARNING: Controversy ahead!

My own views on this kind of things (which is VERY common) tend to be kind of controversial.

Most people feel that you should accept your partner just they way are (and likewise they should accept you) because it’s wrong to try and change someone and next to impossible anyway.

Some people feel (and let’s be honest here: it’s most often women) that it’s perfectly fine to “polish” a partner who might be a little...

Do you ever wonder about the REAL signs that a love is in trouble?
That breaking up is a real risk? Well, you may have heard about the “Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse”; I’m going to talk about the Four Horsemen of Divorce.

Distrust

Distrust occurs when a partner doesn’t seem to be pulling their weight, acts erratically, and/or doesn’t keep their word. Marriage is, at heart, a partnership, and partners need to rely upon and trust each other. The underlying message is “you’re a risk”.

Deception

Deception is actively lying to your partner. For example, not wanting them to know where you are, what you’re doing and/or what you’re spending money on. Some people deceive because they’re sociopaths. Others wind up lying because of their partner’s outsided or even violent reactions. The underlying message is “you’re beneath me” or “I’m afraid of you”.

Disregard

Disregard is not paying...

Do you wonder why relationships fail, even good ones?

Even GREAT ones, where they partners seem to be made for each other, seem to get along so well?

There are 3 reasons that relationships fail:

1. Growing Apart

Sometimes one or both partners wake up and feel like they don't know the person next to them.

They don't seem to share the same interests, they don't have much fun together, they just don't connect.

Relationships are dynamic: over time we ALL change, and if you don't make a conscious effort to stay "up to date" with each other, to keep the connection alive, you run a very real risk of growing apart.

2. Power Struggles

If you find yourselves having more and more disagreements, arguments or fights (and especially if the same conflict keeps coming up) then you're entering into or already in a power struggle.

Being more interested in having things your way instead of creating agreement, or prioritizing getting your needs met, or being "right" in an...

What kind of marriage do you have?

There are three kinds of marriages:

1. Broken
2. Functional
3. Thriving

Broken

You've got a broken marriage if there's less fun, trust and love and more fighting, frustration, upset, disappointment, resentment, etc. There's little fun, trust or passion.

Broken marriages result from hoping that your partner and your marriage will magically change, and that invariably leads to things just getting worse.

Most couples wait until their marriage is broken before seeking help, and that's unfortunate because (like a car or house that's been neglected for too long) that's the most difficult time to get things back on tack.

Functional

Your marriage is functional if there's nothing exactly "broken" but also nothing that regularly excites or inspires you. You work, do you chores, handle the kids (if you have them), maybe watch a little TV together and occasionally go out to dinner, probably to the same place over and over again.

Functional marriages...

Are you and your partner constantly fighting about something? (maybe even multiple things?)

An increase in the number of fights you've been having or a tendancy to keep having the same fight over and over again are both signs that you and your partner are caught in a power struggle.

What's a Power Struggle?

A Power Stuggle is when you and your spouse are fighting to get (or keep) your way. It's part of human nature and a totally normal occurance in relationships.

Usually it catches us by surprise because at first we're just having fun being together in love.

But then...

Arguments start cropping up over how to spend (even whether to spend) money.
Or what to have for dinner.
Or what to watch on TV.

Instead of enjoying each other you're jockeying for control.

The Problem

Marriage is a partnership and partnerships are based on trust and collaboration. When conflict starts cropping over and over it isn't long until trust and collaboration go out the window and, often, the relationship...

Have you ever wound up fighting (whether blowing up or pulling away) when all you wanted to do was talk or have something get done?

It's certainly happened to me and, frankly, it ruined every relationship I was in and nearly ruined my marriage.

Thankfully there's solution (and it's actually pretty easy).

These four skills literally saved our marriage and if you seem to wind up in fights then you owe it to yourself, your partner and your marriage to learn these four simple tools to stop the fighting and get what you want.

Fighting is the result of feeling threatened, and we feel threatened when we feel burdoned, accused or disrespected.

These four tools that you'll learn below are easy to remember, easy to use and are the bread and butter of professional negotiators. Let's get started!

Ask

Has your partner (or you) ever said "Clean the dishes" or "take care of the yard"? Especially in a tone that *maybe* sounded more like a scolding parent than a loving spouse?

As...