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Can hormones kill your marriage? (and I don’t just mean the “lady” ones!)

WARNING This post is controversial

 

The Problem

Do you and your partner try to be modern, equal partners but somehow feel unsatisifed or even growing apart?

Is he helping out with cleaning, cooking and the kids? Are you taking care of the cars, doing yardwork and researching investment plans?

Are you equals but sometimes snipe at each other? Is your (ahem…) sex life less than great?

Well, men and women may be equal but we’re NOT the same, and bringing back (just a little bit) of gender-stereotype roles can both make the two of you happier and and turn things up between the sheets.

Some Truth

Seriously interesting research (like, medical-grade) has been showing that men and women really are different at a psycho-genetic level in some crucial ways, namely: * how you feel fulfilled * how you react to stress * how you “get back to normal” after being...

Question:

Do you want to improve your marriage this year?

I’m going to tell you what to watch out for along with specific tips.

Truth: ONE small change can dramatically improve your marriage

One small change, applied consistently, can dramatically improve your marriage. Of course, the trick is consistency. :)

Just think: changing the heading of a plane or boat by 5 degrees over a 1,000 mile journey will cause the final destination to be 87 miles away from the original! From New York to LA would be a 250 mile difference! Or think of that little river which ultimately carved the Grand Canyon.

The Problem: Most people give up

Consistency is the problem: most people don’t see results fast enough and just “give up”.

And sometimes people try to change MANY things at the same time, which takes a lot (I mean a LOT) more energy, and again: most people give up.

Solution

The trick (especially if you’re working without a coach or counselor) is...

What kind of marriage do you have?

Other posts have described the four kinds of marriages:

1. Broken (“I don’t know how much more of this I can take”)
2. Disappointing (“It isn’t what I hoped but it could be worse”)
3. Functional (“It’s pretty good”)
4. Thriving (“Yes! I’m sooo lucky!”)

You might have noticed that none of them are labeled “happy”, and there’s a good reason for that.

Both “functional” and “thriving” marriages can be happy, but a functional marriage is very different from a thriving marriage.

Most people wind up settling for a disappointing or functional marriage because they don’t even believe that it’s possible to have a thriving marriage.

Now, I specialize in helping people get to thriving, even if they’re currently stuck in a broken marriage. The first step is really all about knowing that level exists and having the courage to reach for it.

Do you ever wonder about the REAL signs that a love is in trouble?
That breaking up is a real risk? Well, you may have heard about the “Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse”; I’m going to talk about the Four Horsemen of Divorce.

Distrust

Distrust occurs when a partner doesn’t seem to be pulling their weight, acts erratically, and/or doesn’t keep their word. Marriage is, at heart, a partnership, and partners need to rely upon and trust each other. The underlying message is “you’re a risk”.

Deception

Deception is actively lying to your partner. For example, not wanting them to know where you are, what you’re doing and/or what you’re spending money on. Some people deceive because they’re sociopaths. Others wind up lying because of their partner’s outsided or even violent reactions. The underlying message is “you’re beneath me” or “I’m afraid of you”.

Disregard

Disregard is not paying...

What kind of marriage do you have?

There are three kinds of marriages:

1. Broken
2. Functional
3. Thriving

Broken

You've got a broken marriage if there's less fun, trust and love and more fighting, frustration, upset, disappointment, resentment, etc. There's little fun, trust or passion.

Broken marriages result from hoping that your partner and your marriage will magically change, and that invariably leads to things just getting worse.

Most couples wait until their marriage is broken before seeking help, and that's unfortunate because (like a car or house that's been neglected for too long) that's the most difficult time to get things back on tack.

Functional

Your marriage is functional if there's nothing exactly "broken" but also nothing that regularly excites or inspires you. You work, do you chores, handle the kids (if you have them), maybe watch a little TV together and occasionally go out to dinner, probably to the same place over and over again.

Functional marriages...

In the immortal words of Aretha Franklin... Respect!

To be sure, women need and deserve respect just as much as men. It's also important to understand that the ways men and women seek respect are often a bit different.

The Problem

Despite men "getting more in touch with their feelings" over the past few decades, the fact remains that at a neurochemical level men are driven to achieve, to provide, to build, to fix, and to be respected for this.

When a man's woman is more successful than him and *especially* when she's self-reliant (I'm talking to you lady executives and entrepreneurs!) he can feel insecure, lost in his sense of purpose and place in the relationship.

A man, at a neurochemical level, needs to feel useful and respected.

When a man doesn't feel useful and respected by his partner he'll start acting out, usually by pulling away from the relationship and, ultimately, looking for that respect in the eyes and arms of another woman. As a general rule men don't like drama in...

A healthy sex life truly is the "life blood" of a healthy marriage.

Sex is the only thing which distinguishes marriage from a friendship or business relationship.

Sex is both a necessary ingredient to a marriage as well as a baromoter of its health, because a marriage which lacks a healthy sexual component ceases to be a marriage and, without fixing, will wither.

There are four reasons why your sex life may be suffering:

Physical Health

Orthopedic problems such as knee, hip, spine and neck pain can make sex very painful for one or both partners.

Alcohol, smoking and drug use can also affect the libido as well as proper functioning of the sexual organs.

Exhaustion can make it difficult to "get in the mood" so if this is happening then make a point for both of you to get more sleep or find a time and day where you're likely to have enough energy.

If you or your partner are dealing with any of these issues you've got to see a doctor (maybe more than one) and get it sorted out.

Let me...

There are 7 Key Complaints I hear over and over again in my practice. These are the complaints that if not addressed lead to frustration, fighting, pain and ultimatley break-ups and divorce.

Read below to learn what these seven key complaints are and learn some tips to avoid (or if necessary heal) them in your own relationship.

Communication

If trust is the foundation which long-term relationships are built on then communication is the glue or mortar which holds them together.

Communication complaints come in many forms ranging from "they're always looking at their phone when we're talking" to "they always interrupt me" to "they don't seem to understand me".

My wife and I have very different communication styles (like many couples) and we had to learn each other's "language" to make it through the challenges we had and get to the good place we're at today.

Without communication it's impossible to deal with, much less solve, any of the other key complaints so the health of your...