Thanksgiving is an, errr…., interesting time.
Here’s what too many people tell me they’re wrapped up in: *Scrambling to get everything together for a family get-together *Planning weekend shopping *Dreading seeing a particular relative, or sweating who to invite so as to minimize possible fights
Listen, I’ve been there too, ain’t no judgement here.
What I AM here to say is that the holidays have a way of bringing out the worst in relationships even though in our minds they should bring out the best (honestly I think a lot of problems are because of this expectation!)
Even the strongest relationships typically have a ramped-up level or stress and fighting this season.
And if you’re already disconnected, exhausted, or arguing? If there’s: Not enough time together? Tired from work? Arguments over money, chores and children? No time or energy for niceties, flirting or sex?
A relationship which is already struggling can find that the...
Let’s face it, the reality of marriage is that once you’re past the “honeymoon” phase you usually start noticing some things about your partner that, well, drive you a little nuts.
Unfortunately, over time the list gets long and the feeling goes from “driven a little nuts” to “pissed off” to “I can’t take this any more!”
by the time most couples hire me they’ve got a LAUNDRY list of complaints and can’t seem to resolve it.
Sometimes it seems like one thing, but it’s very general like “they’re just not THERE for me”, but after just a little digging it feels like a tsunami of “they never do this” and “they never do that”.
Getting some desired changes from your partner is really as simple as 1–2–3: 1. limit yourself to THREE specific requests 2. explain why it’s important to you 3. explain why it’s...
Do you feel like your man doesn’t always understand what you’re trying to say?
The best way to have somebody understand you is to speak their language, so, use these football terms to send him a clear message!
This is the general term for any penalty, so if you’re not happy about something but not sure which is the right penalty (like maybe beause you wanted a necklace for your birthday but they bought you a blender) just say “I’m calling a flag on that play” and explain what you doesn’t work for you.
This is when the quarterback doesn’t like the play that was agreed to with the coach and changes it at the last minute. So if you need to make a sudden change of plans (like the parking lot seems too full to park for a movie) say you’re “calling an audible” and suggest something else.
This is when the team has one last try to move the ball before the...
Do you want to improve your marriage this year?
I’m going to tell you what to watch out for along with specific tips.
One small change, applied consistently, can dramatically improve your marriage. Of course, the trick is consistency. :)
Just think: changing the heading of a plane or boat by 5 degrees over a 1,000 mile journey will cause the final destination to be 87 miles away from the original! From New York to LA would be a 250 mile difference! Or think of that little river which ultimately carved the Grand Canyon.
Consistency is the problem: most people don’t see results fast enough and just “give up”.
And sometimes people try to change MANY things at the same time, which takes a lot (I mean a LOT) more energy, and again: most people give up.
The trick (especially if you’re working without a coach or counselor) is...
Snoring can have a HUGE impact on your marriage even though it might seem like a “little” annoyance.
Couples have come to me literally on the verge of divorce because of problems which actually began from one partner’s snoring.
And MY own snoring caused problems in our marriage.
Constant snoring that interferes with your sleep will (let’s just be honest) make you cranky and over time can make even the most loving and patient spouse flat-out resentful.
Science shows that insufficient sleep leads to irritability and poor decision-making. That irritability will make it more likely that you fight (even about stupid stuff) and that poor decision-making will make it more likely that the fights escalate (like bringing in a bunch of other upsets instead of trying to calm down and solve the original conflict).
Any consistent wedge between the two of you is a very real danger to your love and relationship, so it really needs to be...
Do things seem “stiff” between you and your lover? Do one or both of you tend to be serious? (Maybe even overly so….)
There’s a time and place for seriousness, and that place is NOT creating love.
Often we get serious in response to stress.
And we feel tons (TONS!) of stress from the needs and pressures of work, our relationships, money, home and (if we’ve got them) kids. Believe me, I get it.
But stress (especially prolonged stress) can drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Especially if you’re an entrepreneur or executive because then everything just gets cranked up that much higher (to ‘11’, as us “Spinal Tap” fans say :).
Stress can erode love same as a river can carve a canyon.
WARNING: Do I have to tell you that prolonged stress causes our immune systems to break down and our emotional reserves run dry, making us irritable and short-tempered.
Here’s a BIG secret: the problem is NOT the...
If you want to steer clear of divorce (and believe me, you want to steer clear of divorce) then it’s good to know what the most common cause are so that you can be on the lookout and nip potential problems in the bud.
Men, know this:
Yup. Far and away more women initiate divorce procedings.
Some men are oblivious while others would rather be in an unhappy marriage than back in the dating scene. Either way, the reasons behind initiating divorce tend to be the same.
Women cite feeling taken for granted, put upon, and having to “take care” of the relationship all by themselves as the top reasons for seeking divorce.
It would be inaccurate (as well as sexist) to state the problem as “men always do this” and “women always do that” but even in this day and age there ARE some patterns which are much more common than you might think.
The bottom line: ...
Have you ever tried to “fix” a partner, or even just tweak the way they dress, or speak, or even what kind of work they do?
Or have you been on the other end with a partner trying to change YOU?
This is on my mind because I just saw a play about this very thing (“Pygmalion”, and later made into the movie “My Fair Lady”) wherein the sophisticated Henry Higgins bets his friend that he can take the “common girl” Eliza and train her to be seen as a sophisticated lady.
My own views on this kind of things (which is VERY common) tend to be kind of controversial.
Most people feel that you should accept your partner just they way are (and likewise they should accept you) because it’s wrong to try and change someone and next to impossible anyway.
Some people feel (and let’s be honest here: it’s most often women) that it’s perfectly fine to “polish” a partner who might be a little...
Are you making the absolute #1 communication mistake without realizing it?
We’re talking about the scientificially demonstrated mistake that destroys love and leads to divorce.
I’m not talking about shouting, or fighting, or name-calling, or love languages (though those are all important).
The absolute #1 communication partners make is non-responsiveness. That is, not responding to your partner when they reach out to you, either verbally or physically.
When they talk about their day do you look in their eyes and have an actual conversation? When they ask for help do you jump in? When they touch your shoulder do you smile and touch them back?
Modern distractions like smartphones and TV make it all to easy to not even notice that your love has asked you a question or distract you from bothering to respond to them.
And, if your lives are already busy with careers, commuting (and especially children) then it’s likely that you’re each missing out...