Getting help with the most important relationship in your life is a wise decision and can be an investment that pays back many times over, but only if you avoid some common mistakes!
Your family and friends know you and care about you, which makes it hard for them to be objective. Also, the specifics of your marriage are probably different from theirs. Finally, unless they’re trained they might be giving you advice which could make the situation worse.
Tip: Choose a therapist or coach who is trained and doesn’t know you so that you can get professional and objective advice.
Actually, most professional therapists have little or no training in the specific issues of marriage. Even most who claim they specialize only work with marriage as a small part of their practice.
TIP: Try to use a coach or therapist who has written a publicly available relationship-based book and/or catalog of blog or YouTube posts you can use to evaluate their style and knowledge.
Although certain principles are true for all marriages some situations create unique stressors which need to be understood, taken into account and worked with.
Tip: Choose a coach or therapist who truly understands the special challenges you might be facing like entrepreneurship, coming from different cultures, or being a high-level executive.
It’s tempting to believe that there’s a universal problem or remedy (e.g. “reflective communication”! “power struggle”! “mars & venus”! etc.) that’s true for all couples, especially when they sound insightful or have a catchy name. But it’s not true. In truth even the most reliable approaches don’t work for every couple.
Tip: Choose a therapist or coach trained in multiple approaches and who insists to understand YOUR challenges, strengths and dynamic BEFORE suggesting a solution, and who has multiple tools so you can find the right ones for you.
Marriages fail because the partners don’t get the tools they need.
Help your marriage and take a step towards greater connection, partnership and intimacy.