How to Get What You Want
Let’s face it, the reality of marriage is that once you’re past the “honeymoon” phase you usually start noticing some things about your partner that, well, drive you a little nuts.
Unfortunately, over time the list gets long and the feeling goes from “driven a little nuts” to “pissed off” to “I can’t take this any more!”
by the time most couples hire me they’ve got a LAUNDRY list of complaints and can’t seem to resolve it.
Sometimes it seems like one thing, but it’s very general like “they’re just not THERE for me”, but after just a little digging it feels like a tsunami of “they never do this” and “they never do that”.
Getting some desired changes from your partner is really as simple as 1–2–3: 1. limit yourself to THREE specific requests 2. explain why it’s important to you 3. explain why it’s good for THEM
Oh, and of course, you want to make sure that when you ask them you’re both present to each other and you’re using an, er…, influential tone of voice. Remember: you catch more flies with honey than vinegar!
Example "Baby, there are just a few things I’d like from you that are really important to me, and if you do them I’ll stop getting angry and get back to really loving you! 1. If you’re going to be home later than you say please call or text and let me know, and if you can let me know what time you DO expect to be home so I know you’re safe and don’t worry. 2. If you’re making yourself a cup of coffee I’d love it if you also make one for me, that really helps me feel loved and cared for. 3. When we’re watching TV together sit close and put your arm around me, that make me feel close to you and even turns me on.
Remember that most people need to see a value to themselves before doing something they don’t want to do, which is why it’s SO important that you let them know what’s in it for them.
For an absolutley FREE three-video course in improving your marriage just go to to the "learn more" button on this page (next to "Free Course") and enter your name and email address, it will be right off to you (probably within just 10–15 minutes).
Until next time, remember:
Live in love!
Guy Ardito MS, CMC
Guy Ardito MS CMC
Guy is a strategist, mediator, trainer, coach and author specializing in relationships, influence and communication.
He helps smart, successful men and women both find love and repair their relationships.
Guy is a Certified Master Coach and proud member of the Forbes Coaches Council.
Twenty years of coaching experience has focused on relationships and communication and includes certification in couple's work, Human Needs Psychology and NLP from luminaries such as Dr. Cloe Madanes, Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott, Anthony Robbins, Doug O'Brien, Landmark Education and the New York Center for NLP.