Snoring can have a HUGE impact on your marriage even though it might seem like a “little” annoyance.
Couples have come to me literally on the verge of divorce because of problems which actually began from one partner’s snoring.
And MY own snoring caused problems in our marriage.
Constant snoring that interferes with your sleep will (let’s just be honest) make you cranky and over time can make even the most loving and patient spouse flat-out resentful.
Science shows that insufficient sleep leads to irritability and poor decision-making. That irritability will make it more likely that you fight (even about stupid stuff) and that poor decision-making will make it more likely that the fights escalate (like bringing in a bunch of other upsets instead of trying to calm down and solve the original conflict).
Any consistent wedge between the two of you is a very real danger to your love and relationship, so it really needs to be...
Do things seem “stiff” between you and your lover? Do one or both of you tend to be serious? (Maybe even overly so….)
There’s a time and place for seriousness, and that place is NOT creating love.
Often we get serious in response to stress.
And we feel tons (TONS!) of stress from the needs and pressures of work, our relationships, money, home and (if we’ve got them) kids. Believe me, I get it.
But stress (especially prolonged stress) can drive a wedge between you and your partner.
Especially if you’re an entrepreneur or executive because then everything just gets cranked up that much higher (to ‘11’, as us “Spinal Tap” fans say :).
Stress can erode love same as a river can carve a canyon.
WARNING: Do I have to tell you that prolonged stress causes our immune systems to break down and our emotional reserves run dry, making us irritable and short-tempered.
Here’s a BIG secret: the problem is NOT the...
If you want to steer clear of divorce (and believe me, you want to steer clear of divorce) then it’s good to know what the most common cause are so that you can be on the lookout and nip potential problems in the bud.
Men, know this:
Yup. Far and away more women initiate divorce procedings.
Some men are oblivious while others would rather be in an unhappy marriage than back in the dating scene. Either way, the reasons behind initiating divorce tend to be the same.
Women cite feeling taken for granted, put upon, and having to “take care” of the relationship all by themselves as the top reasons for seeking divorce.
It would be inaccurate (as well as sexist) to state the problem as “men always do this” and “women always do that” but even in this day and age there ARE some patterns which are much more common than you might think.
The bottom line: ...
Have you ever tried to “fix” a partner, or even just tweak the way they dress, or speak, or even what kind of work they do?
Or have you been on the other end with a partner trying to change YOU?
This is on my mind because I just saw a play about this very thing (“Pygmalion”, and later made into the movie “My Fair Lady”) wherein the sophisticated Henry Higgins bets his friend that he can take the “common girl” Eliza and train her to be seen as a sophisticated lady.
My own views on this kind of things (which is VERY common) tend to be kind of controversial.
Most people feel that you should accept your partner just they way are (and likewise they should accept you) because it’s wrong to try and change someone and next to impossible anyway.
Some people feel (and let’s be honest here: it’s most often women) that it’s perfectly fine to “polish” a partner who might be a little...
Are you making the absolute #1 communication mistake without realizing it?
We’re talking about the scientificially demonstrated mistake that destroys love and leads to divorce.
I’m not talking about shouting, or fighting, or name-calling, or love languages (though those are all important).
The absolute #1 communication partners make is non-responsiveness. That is, not responding to your partner when they reach out to you, either verbally or physically.
When they talk about their day do you look in their eyes and have an actual conversation? When they ask for help do you jump in? When they touch your shoulder do you smile and touch them back?
Modern distractions like smartphones and TV make it all to easy to not even notice that your love has asked you a question or distract you from bothering to respond to them.
And, if your lives are already busy with careers, commuting (and especially children) then it’s likely that you’re each missing out...
What kind of marriage do you have?
Other posts have described the four kinds of marriages:
You might have noticed that none of them are labeled “happy”, and there’s a good reason for that.
Both “functional” and “thriving” marriages can be happy, but a functional marriage is very different from a thriving marriage.
Most people wind up settling for a disappointing or functional marriage because they don’t even believe that it’s possible to have a thriving marriage.
Now, I specialize in helping people get to thriving, even if they’re currently stuck in a broken marriage. The first step is really all about knowing that level exists and having the courage to reach for it....
Have you ever had to deal with feeling overwhelmed?
Like, where you literally didn’t know what to do next? Maybe even feeling like you’d never climb out of it?
Overwhelm puts us at our worst. Our worst at work, and our worst at home with our spouse (and if present, children).
Some people wind up lashing out and others withdraw, unable to deal with anyone or anything.
In order to successfully and consistently get out of overwhelm you have to understand how you process the world.
Once you know how you process you can use that information to help tame and bring order to the overwhelm.
Some people are mostly visual, some auditory and other kinesthetic (NB this is a bit of a simplification but good enough for right now).
Visualize everything you need...
Do you ever wonder about the REAL signs that a love is in trouble?
That breaking up is a real risk? Well, you may have heard about the “Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse”; I’m going to talk about the Four Horsemen of Divorce.
Distrust occurs when a partner doesn’t seem to be pulling their weight, acts erratically, and/or doesn’t keep their word. Marriage is, at heart, a partnership, and partners need to rely upon and trust each other. The underlying message is “you’re a risk”.
Deception is actively lying to your partner. For example, not wanting them to know where you are, what you’re doing and/or what you’re spending money on. Some people deceive because they’re sociopaths. Others wind up lying because of their partner’s outsided or even violent reactions. The underlying message is “you’re beneath me” or “I’m afraid of you”.
Disregard is not paying...
Are you dealing with criticsm from your partner?
Are you hurt? Frustrated? Feel like giving up? We look to our partner for support and love, and our relationship is where we expect we can be free, vulnerable and accepted.
So, criticism can be especially damaging to a relationship. The good news is that it can get better.
Before you can improve an environment of criticism you’ve got to understand the context; that is, where the criticism may be coming from.
Is your partner going through a personal crisis like stress at work, loss of a job, death of a family member or a health issue?
Stress tends to make us be our worst selves, and we often lash out at those who are closest to us (emotionally and physically).
This may sound weird but is very common.
When one partner (instead of the couple) gets involved in personal growth they often start having different expectations of what their life and relationship can be like, even what they think they should be...