How Laughter Helps Love

communication connection marriage Aug 08, 2017

The Problem

Do things seem “stiff” between you and your lover? Do one or both of you tend to be serious? (Maybe even overly so….)

There’s a time and place for seriousness, and that place is NOT creating love.

Often we get serious in response to stress.

And we feel tons (TONS!) of stress from the needs and pressures of work, our relationships, money, home and (if we’ve got them) kids. Believe me, I get it.

But stress (especially prolonged stress) can drive a wedge between you and your partner.

Especially if you’re an entrepreneur or executive because then everything just gets cranked up that much higher (to ‘11’, as us “Spinal Tap” fans say :).

Stress can erode love same as a river can carve a canyon.

WARNING: Do I have to tell you that prolonged stress causes our immune systems to break down and our emotional reserves run dry, making us irritable and short-tempered.

Here’s a BIG secret: the problem is NOT the stressors.


The REAL Problem

The problem is NOT the demands and responsibilities, the problem IS how you perceive and react to them.

See, stress is not a “thing”, it’s a perception which leads to a physiologic response.

And that response typically makes us rigid, short-tempered and serious (none of which inspire longing, joy or passion. Really.)

Getting stuck in those WILL grind down even the best relationship and squeeze the life out of it.

Just ask yourself how much YOU want to be around someone who’s serious or rigid. (And try throwing in some short-temperedness for good measure).


The Solution

The solution is perspective.

Most people want to be with someone who helps them feel good (which means fun and flexible).

After all, if the movie you want is sold out or the restaurant is full should the whole evening be a disaster or would you rather find another way to have a great date?

The way to stay fun and flexible in the face of disappointment and stress is to go lightly and keep perspective.

A recent study published on Science Daily says “People who spent more time laughing with their partner felt they were more similar to their partner. We also found that the more people laughed with their romantic partner, the more they felt they were supported by that person.”

In other words: laughing with your partner will strengthen the bond between two of you.

Now, that doesn’t mean you have to tell jokes. You can just be goofy or do silly, fun things like ride the bumper cars together.

(And if you’re feeling really advanced you can improvise a little dance with your partner while the two of you are waiting to cross the street. :)



You set a tone (good OR bad) for your relationship, so make it good.

The more your partner laughs and enjoys their time with you the more they’ll expect to laugh and enjoy time with you, which means they’ll want and look forward to being with you.

Look, stress can be valuable: it pumps cortisol to heighten our awareness and reflexes. And we want that when there’s an emergency like a fire or accident and we have to take care of ourselves or our loved ones.

Running late for karate class or burning dinner? Not so worth it to get stressed about.

Practice taking “the lighter side” and you’ll both feel better and enjoy life more.

That’s good for you. And that’s good for your relationship.

For more advice on how to have a thriving marriage check out the “Thriving Marriage” System today!

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