#1 Communication Problem

communication connection marriage Jul 18, 2017

Are you making the absolute #1 communication mistake without realizing it?

We’re talking about the scientificially demonstrated mistake that destroys love and leads to divorce.

I’m not talking about shouting, or fighting, or name-calling, or love languages (though those are all important).

The absolute #1 communication partners make is non-responsiveness. That is, not responding to your partner when they reach out to you, either verbally or physically.

When they talk about their day do you look in their eyes and have an actual conversation? When they ask for help do you jump in? When they touch your shoulder do you smile and touch them back?



Modern distractions like smartphones and TV make it all to easy to not even notice that your love has asked you a question or distract you from bothering to respond to them.

And, if your lives are already busy with careers, commuting (and especially children) then it’s likely that you’re each missing out on important signals.

Think about it: if the most important person in your life tends to ignore you or just not respond, well, that feels like rejection even if it isn’t intended that way.

Dr. John Gottman studied hundreds and hundreds of couples over many years and uncovered certain patterns of relationship success and failure.



Couples who were still together and happy responded to each other 86% of the time! Couples who responded 33% of the time (or less)? Divorced. 100% of them. In-between there’s a whole lot of couples who aren’t happy and on that slippery slope which ends with splitting up.


What to Do

The good news is that it’s remarkably simple to respond to your partner, all you have to do pay attention!

If you tend to rush then slow down. If you tend to be distracted then get present. If you’re thinking about a million things then focus on your lover.

It’s remarkable how much we notice when we simply pay attention. :)


Bottom Line

What’s good for your partner is good for your marriage, and what’s good for your marriage is good for YOU.


Slowing down, getting present and paying attention will make your own life better outside of marriage as well.

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