What kind of marriage do you have?

Other posts have described the four kinds of marriages:

1. Broken (“I don’t know how much more of this I can take”)
2. Disappointing (“It isn’t what I hoped but it could be worse”)
3. Functional (“It’s pretty good”)
4. Thriving (“Yes! I’m sooo lucky!”)

You might have noticed that none of them are labeled “happy”, and there’s a good reason for that.

Both “functional” and “thriving” marriages can be happy, but a functional marriage is very different from a thriving marriage.

Most people wind up settling for a disappointing or functional marriage because they don’t even believe that it’s possible to have a thriving marriage.

Now, I specialize in helping people get to thriving, even if they’re currently stuck in a broken marriage. The first step is really all about knowing that level exists and having the courage to reach for it.

Do you ever wonder about the REAL signs that a love is in trouble?
That breaking up is a real risk? Well, you may have heard about the “Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse”; I’m going to talk about the Four Horsemen of Divorce.

Distrust

Distrust occurs when a partner doesn’t seem to be pulling their weight, acts erratically, and/or doesn’t keep their word. Marriage is, at heart, a partnership, and partners need to rely upon and trust each other. The underlying message is “you’re a risk”.

Deception

Deception is actively lying to your partner. For example, not wanting them to know where you are, what you’re doing and/or what you’re spending money on. Some people deceive because they’re sociopaths. Others wind up lying because of their partner’s outsided or even violent reactions. The underlying message is “you’re beneath me” or “I’m afraid of you”.

Disregard

Disregard is not paying...

Are you dealing with criticsm from your partner?

Are you hurt? Frustrated? Feel like giving up? We look to our partner for support and love, and our relationship is where we expect we can be free, vulnerable and accepted.

So, criticism can be especially damaging to a relationship. The good news is that it can get better.

Why?

Before you can improve an environment of criticism you’ve got to understand the context; that is, where the criticism may be coming from.

Crisis

Is your partner going through a personal crisis like stress at work, loss of a job, death of a family member or a health issue?

Stress tends to make us be our worst selves, and we often lash out at those who are closest to us (emotionally and physically).

Personal Growth

This may sound weird but is very common.

When one partner (instead of the couple) gets involved in personal growth they often start having different expectations of what their life and relationship can be like, even what they think they should be...

Are you and your partner constantly fighting about something? (maybe even multiple things?)

An increase in the number of fights you've been having or a tendancy to keep having the same fight over and over again are both signs that you and your partner are caught in a power struggle.

What's a Power Struggle?

A Power Stuggle is when you and your spouse are fighting to get (or keep) your way. It's part of human nature and a totally normal occurance in relationships.

Usually it catches us by surprise because at first we're just having fun being together in love.

But then...

Arguments start cropping up over how to spend (even whether to spend) money.
Or what to have for dinner.
Or what to watch on TV.

Instead of enjoying each other you're jockeying for control.

The Problem

Marriage is a partnership and partnerships are based on trust and collaboration. When conflict starts cropping over and over it isn't long until trust and collaboration go out the window and, often, the relationship...

In the immortal words of Aretha Franklin... Respect!

To be sure, women need and deserve respect just as much as men. It's also important to understand that the ways men and women seek respect are often a bit different.

The Problem

Despite men "getting more in touch with their feelings" over the past few decades, the fact remains that at a neurochemical level men are driven to achieve, to provide, to build, to fix, and to be respected for this.

When a man's woman is more successful than him and *especially* when she's self-reliant (I'm talking to you lady executives and entrepreneurs!) he can feel insecure, lost in his sense of purpose and place in the relationship.

A man, at a neurochemical level, needs to feel useful and respected.

When a man doesn't feel useful and respected by his partner he'll start acting out, usually by pulling away from the relationship and, ultimately, looking for that respect in the eyes and arms of another woman. As a general rule men don't like drama in...

Does your relationship feel strained? Do you walk on eggshells afraid at what might trigger a fight?
Are you upset at how much your or your partner blow-up or, coverself, pull away?

You're going to learn a simple, fast technique that I guarnatee will ***10x*** the results of any communication with your partner.

The Danger

"Communication" itself, that is the words we use, will not, CANNOT improve or fix your relationship on thier their own.

Have you ever asked your spouse for something only to have them not follow through?
Have you tried talking with your parter about an upset only to experience a volcanic outburt or icy silence?

The Truth

We can't talk about something potentially upsetting, or make a request of someone, without first having a connection. A connection creates a platform, builds a bridge that lets your words, your requests, your emotions smoothly and safely drive over.

What would happen if you were sitting in your coffee shop and suddenly someone just...

There are 7 Key Complaints I hear over and over again in my practice. These are the complaints that if not addressed lead to frustration, fighting, pain and ultimatley break-ups and divorce.

Read below to learn what these seven key complaints are and learn some tips to avoid (or if necessary heal) them in your own relationship.

Communication

If trust is the foundation which long-term relationships are built on then communication is the glue or mortar which holds them together.

Communication complaints come in many forms ranging from "they're always looking at their phone when we're talking" to "they always interrupt me" to "they don't seem to understand me".

My wife and I have very different communication styles (like many couples) and we had to learn each other's "language" to make it through the challenges we had and get to the good place we're at today.

Without communication it's impossible to deal with, much less solve, any of the other key complaints so the health of your...

If your wife is anything like 99% (99.9% ???) of women then there are four things that she absolutely craves that she's probably not getting or, at least, not getting enough of.

Appreciation

Think about everything your wife does for you, for your home and (if you have them) for your kids.

Who shops?  Who cooks?  Who cleans?

AND... are they doing that on top of holding down a job?

I know you appreciate her but how much do you actually let her know, especially in the way that she needs to be shown?

Cherished

Your woman absolutely CRAVES to be cherished.

Some things are just written into our DNA and the fact is that women need to be cherished in the same way that men need to be needed.

How do you show her that she's cherished?  That you adore her?  That you'd choose her all over again?

Intimacy

Your lady craves intimacy and I'm not talking about time between the sheets (although that certainly is part of it).

Far too many men just don't give...

Have you ever wound up fighting (whether blowing up or pulling away) when all you wanted to do was talk or have something get done?

It's certainly happened to me and, frankly, it ruined every relationship I was in and nearly ruined my marriage.

Thankfully there's solution (and it's actually pretty easy).

These four skills literally saved our marriage and if you seem to wind up in fights then you owe it to yourself, your partner and your marriage to learn these four simple tools to stop the fighting and get what you want.

Fighting is the result of feeling threatened, and we feel threatened when we feel burdoned, accused or disrespected.

These four tools that you'll learn below are easy to remember, easy to use and are the bread and butter of professional negotiators. Let's get started!

Ask

Has your partner (or you) ever said "Clean the dishes" or "take care of the yard"? Especially in a tone that *maybe* sounded more like a scolding parent than a loving spouse?

As...