Four Horsemen of Divorce

communication fighting partnership sex time & energy trust Jun 20, 2017

Do you ever wonder about the REAL signs that a love is in trouble?
That breaking up is a real risk? Well, you may have heard about the “Four Horsemen of the Apocolypse”; I’m going to talk about the Four Horsemen of Divorce.


Distrust occurs when a partner doesn’t seem to be pulling their weight, acts erratically, and/or doesn’t keep their word. Marriage is, at heart, a partnership, and partners need to rely upon and trust each other. The underlying message is “you’re a risk”.


Deception is actively lying to your partner. For example, not wanting them to know where you are, what you’re doing and/or what you’re spending money on. Some people deceive because they’re sociopaths. Others wind up lying because of their partner’s outsided or even violent reactions. The underlying message is “you’re beneath me” or “I’m afraid of you”.


Disregard is not paying attention to your partner, not spending time with them, even a lack of courtesy. This is very common when life gets busy with careers and children. It’s very common when a partner is an entrepreneur, business owner or executive (because they’re sooooo busy) and even more so when they see their business as an extension of themselves. The underlying message is “you don’t matter”.


Disrespect is talking to or treating your partner like they’re inferior, less important or don’t matter. It can take the form of “giving orders”, not paying attention when your partner is talking, and rolling your eyes at what they say. Tone of voice is a HUGE aspect of disrespect, because it can make otherwise harmless words sound sarcastic or demeaning. The underlying message is “you’re not as good as me”.

Now sometimes…

Sometimes because of childhood experiences, traumas or past relationships a person may be hyper-sensitized and: * FEEL disrespected when they’re not * FEEL disregarded when they’re not * FEEL their partner isn’t trustworthy when they are * FEEL deceived when they haven’t been

ALSO there can be misunderstandings if you and your partner (like my wife and I) come from very different cultural backgrounds. Different cultures can have different “rules” about what particular gestures, words and tones of voice mean, even WHAT each partner should do and not do and HOW couples are supposed to communicate.

Becaues it’s easy to misinterpret you’ve got to work together to understand each other’s perceptions and intents.


Marriage is about coming together to form something greater than either of you could on your own.

The best way to keep the Four Horsemen of Divorce at bay is to regularly practice the Three Dances of Love (or the Three Angels of Marriage) which are friendship, partnership and passion.

By making sure you consistently relate to your spouse and treat them as a friend, as a partner and as a lover you’ll keep your relationship strong and thriving!

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